Sex Sells. But So Does Manipulation.

I think it's safe to say that most of us are currently on a mission to get back to who we were before the pandemic. Or, becoming better than who we were. It should also be no surprise to mention most of us are using means such as books, podcasts, or marketing strategies from Tik Tok's top gurus to become what we ultimately envision for ourselves. The interesting thing is, how many people are on a quest for that knowledge solely for the purpose of power and manipulation, as it pertains to relationships. As if authenticity and mastering self (as oppose to others), doesn't allow for excellence and commitment. Humans have such a trash fixation on perception and sovereignty, that vulnerability, reconciliation and credibility may always fall short.

Word? Being Nonchalant is the Thing Now?

I myself, am a person who is continuously being humbled by lessons based on the importance of connection. So, in no way am I more righteous than the next person who shys away from vulnerability. However, there needs to be a moment in which we look at the patterns we're sustaining via the pursuit of happiness. Today, probably the coolest thing you can portray yourself as, is nonchalant or selfish. And not in a hermit or monk way, but in a narcissistic sort of way. If you handed me 48 Laws of Power before its fan club overwhelmed me with reviews, I would've thought is was merely a book of psychological power struggles written by a psychopath. Or sociopath. But somehow, this book thrives in the driver seat for dominating relationships, via control.

In 2018, Cassie Shortsleeve, a writer for TIME, interviewed Sharon Stines, a California therapist on the topic of manipulation in which Sharon states "Manipulation is an emotionally unhealthy psychological strategy used by people who are incapable of asking for what they want and need in a direct way." This isn't so much an attack on the books themselves, and sure there may be some validity when applied correctly, but do the routine instructions not in turn, direct you away from more natural actions, desires or responses in your personal development? Does one ever fear the confusion catching up with them? The mask falling off? It being too late?

"Manipulative behavior involves three factors, according to Stines: fear, obligation and guilt." Which brings me to the next point.

Wait. Too Cool? or Too Hurt?

Just for context purposes, the inspiration behind this blog post came from a book I read last year called The Five Languages of Apology by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas. You may be familiar with their Five Love Languages book among other similar titles. Anyway, I thought it was a dope read considering I rarely entertained the ideas of mending relationships, whether they were intimate, platonic or even family related. It wasn't until I completed the read, that I realized how often we crave fresh, new relationships and NOT just because "we deserve to", but because we were never educated on how to fix the last one. Or even care to fix the last one. One is always ready to accept gifts or spend quality time, but rarely ready to accept responsibility or ask forgiveness. Somewhere along the road, those heavy stones were deemed as a weakness.

"... those who primarily interact with manipulation often share some traits among themselves:

• Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, or worthlessness Fear of being abandoned Need for power and control over others Willingness to put their feelings over the well-being of others. Need to raise their individual self-esteem." (peaksrecovery)

Whether it be a bio description on your profile, a chance to rekindle with your ex, an opportunity to reconcile with your child, or a first date impression, why the obsession with being two steps ahead instead of meeting on middle ground? Some would say its childhood upbringing and trauma. Others could say they never gave it too much thought. While the rest, simply... don't care. And instead of deciphering where the lack of concern stems from, they pick up the 48 Laws of Power and call it therapy.

Self Care Doesn't Necessarily Mean You Need to Isolate... or be an A**.

Now make sure y'all are keeping an eye out for the next blog release, because we're going to dive a bit deep into this next mention. But for the interim, I lastly want to discuss how often our communities aren't given the resources, visual representation or even time to delve into matters such as human connection, let alone trust and empathy. A lot of us are so preoccupied with surviving, that concerning ones self with another's well being, feels counterproductive. "Being late, being over-busy, can derail even our most sincere intentions to be kind, caring, compassionate, to ourselves and to other people. (Being Compassionate and...) Your schedule doesn't allow for repenting or restitution in partnerships, but allows for reposts and retweets to promote your prideful propaganda. Do we as adults, not have accountability so much so, that we blame technology and Rich Dad Poor Dad for the ego driven journeys we set out on? We want influence, but must require empathy from somewhere to do so. And in return, we often lack what we request.

"There is also a link between empathy and influence – empathy is a huge asset in being able to influence others, because to do so, you need to see things from their perspective." (Are you too busy...)

This isn't an ode to spilling your heart, rebuilding broken foundations or begging for closure. This isn't a guide to becoming a doormat. It's opening another conversation on our inability to authentically and realistically explore the depths in which social media has refused to highlight. The depths in which we refuse to see ourselves. Author included. In what ways have you convinced yourself a lack of empathy will propel you forward? How does the need to be 5 steps ahead, affect the steps you take in other areas of your life? And when you finally reach that pinnacle you performed your way to, will you find solace in knowing you used fear, a mask and fraudulent means, to get there...